Arun and Vidya, two high-achieving individuals were married amidst much pomp and splendour. They had only met briefly in social gatherings earlier and were just acquaintances when they got married. Everybody was assured that they will work their way from Marriage to Love over the course of their lives.
However, as they started living together, with the office pressures and multiple priorities, problems started to emerge. Each of them had a perception of what and how their partner should be. After two years into the marriage, they mutually decided that it was not working, and it was best they separated.
I happened to be in their city on business and decided to stay with them over the week that I was in the city. I was meeting them after years and while I had heard about their problems in our friends’ circles, I had not discussed this with either of them.
As I entered their house, the first thing I noticed was how beautifully decorated it was – almost representing the irony of their relationship – the house portraying the dream that they started with – hand-picked, exclusive, delicate and every artefact in the right place. However, the soul had gone missing – a house becomes a home when the warmth of the relationships transforms the energy that resides within. Arun and Vidya welcomed me with open hearts and I saw a brief glimpse of a ‘couple’ in their smiles. It was almost as if, they were surprised that one of their friends had chosen to pay them a visit without judging them on their personal turmoils. I settled in – as I saw a couple welcoming me and not two individual friends.
The three of us would get up to go to our respective offices and would be back together by early evening. We would all work together in the kitchen, helping out Vidya and talking about life in general. Arun spoke about his work, the challenges he was facing while Vidya was excited about the promotion that seemed to be coming through. However, what surprised me was the fact that Vidya gave Arun a look that conveyed her expectation that she would have hoped Arun had shared his office problems with her earlier. Arun had gone quiet. Vidya took this moment and pitched in to mention how Arun was putting in so much effort at his workplace and the results were not coming through. Arun gave a deep sigh and cast Vidya a fleeting glance as a soft, pensive look crossed his face.
This is what I was hoping would be the subtle hint of the possibilities that lay buried amidst the disappointments, regrets and sadness in the house. A few discussions with them individually over my stay made the root cause of the issue clear:
- They seemed to be spending a lot of quality time by themselves focussing on their individual growth.
- The young career that they were nurturing had cut themselves from their partner and from the world.
- Both considered his / her passion and work and interests as being the centre of the world and were pursuing that with zeal.
- Their approach had resulted in them spending less and less time with each other and thus, had started to believe that they had nothing in common.
- The social pressure was not helping either – Society were less empathetic to the situation and advices to ‘stay in the marriage’ added to the pressure.
I concluded to myself: All the stress in their personal and professional lives had put a strain on their relationship. A vicious cycle had developed where Arun was starting to have issues at work which were partly caused by the situation at home and the home situation was getting worse because of his work pressure. Vidya tried her best to manage her office and take care of the house in the hope that Arun would appreciate her efforts. With Arun pre-occupied at home, she slowly started to let go of her expectations from the relation.
Over dinner that night, we spoke more about their day to day lives – and we realized how the group energy was shifting to a more settling and homely atmosphere. They were not only receptive to this realization but at the same time realized that the bond of care was still intact.
The house energy started shifting immediately as it started feeling like I was talking to two friends who were receptive and comfortable with each other. Over the course of the next few days, I realized that Arun had a passion for storytelling while Vidya had a way with words which were effortless and straight from her heart. The passion towards this activity shown on their faces. I said, “Why don’t you join book-writing classes together and collaborate for a book? Yes, it will take a few months to compile the writings, but you can do this as two people sharing common interests.” They found this a good idea – as it was like getting into a partnership, supported by respective strengths. They agreed also in the hope that the next few months would bring some fun in their lives with this common objective.
A few months later, I came down to the city on my second business trip and was invited to stay over again. I entered their home – yes, their home and not a house. They told me that the writing classes were working wonders, they were doing something together that they both enjoyed, and this had now become a bridge in their relationship. They had started spending more quality time together and they had found a new perspective to their relationship. They were now discussing the book they were penning together, their respective offices, their household and life in general – they looked like a team!
In our world where both partners are individuals with financial independence, it needs a perspective where there is a conscious attempt to see what the other person brings into your life. Daily activities and common interests like exercising, TV shows, movies, books, helping in household chores etc. can sustain a relationship in the short-term, but a common goal acts as the wind beneath the relationship’s wings, as it provides the life purpose.
The key to this theory is: Both partners must develop the passion towards this common goal. No goal is too small, and no goal is too big. When two people work together on the same goal, the results come twice as fast with half the effort.
A few goals listed below are divergent in their outcome but unify the parties involved
- Buying your dream home
- Buying the dream car
- World touring
- Writing a book
- Starting a business
- Walking the path of self-realization
- Working on a social cause …
This Defines Relationship Progression and
- Keeps the Relationship alive and kicking: Since the activity becomes a portal to understanding your partner
- Makes the relationship complimentary: you achieve your goal in less time and with less effort
- Mutual respect keeps growing: As you discover your partner’s strengths, the respect for one another grows
- Develops compassion and empathy for one another: The relationship moves from “All about Me” to “What I can do for Thy”. This is a paradigm shift that allows love to flow in.
- Manages Stress: A feeling of oneness leads to happiness in the relationship as one looks forward to meeting his / her partner. This is a ‘Life Saving Drug’ for Stress and its symptoms.
- As you grow together, you look forward to creating the next goal together and the cycle goes on…
Remember “Love is not just about gazing at each other but looking together in the same direction.”
Achieve Your Goals Together to Stay Healthy and Stress-free!!
