In the first part of this blog – Bridge the Gap in the Relationship with your Parents – last week, I expanded the word Family.
“Father and Mother, I Love You”. One of my favorite words, ‘Family’ represents the true spirit of my relationship with my parents!
Over the years, I have realized a vital fact of my existence:
As I move ahead in life, my parents slow down – the essence of our relationship is in the bridge that has grown stronger yet flexible, higher yet reachable, lightweight but wide enough for us to walk side by side and long enough where I can refer to the past and look at the future without letting go of their hands.
With this recap, here is the second and last part of the story.
My busy, crazy life had been going on for about 8 months now and then it was my mother’s birthday – her 72nd! It was a weekday and a few days before the D-Day, I applied for a day off. I drove down to their house early morning to celebrate but my mother insisted she wanted the day to be a quiet one – she only wanted to be around her husband and son.
I will be honest – I was so happy within!! This was Universe helping me, so I could bridge the gap in our relationship. I decided to do what I would do for her birthday when I was an adolescent i.e.
- Cook her a special dish from a recipe book – she is an excellent cook but how she would shower praises over me! I would feel full just listening to her praises!!
- As a family, browse through old family albums – earlier it was photos of my parents growing up. Now it would be photos of my childhood and adolescence.
- Listen to my mother sing – it was such a bliss when it would play in the background almost like a hymn as I would go about doing my stuff.
- Talk to my father about current affairs – Oh, he loves to talk about the political and administrative situations across the world. I would love to listen to his views – a perfect blend of the old and the new.
- Lastly, sit next to them and watch an old movie – a movie that would be my mother’s favorite. We used to do this when I was growing up where I would lap up those 2 hours, away from my books and in the warmth of my parents’ love.
On my mother’s birthday I did just that – despite my mother’s protests (she wanted me to rest, so I could recharge myself for the coming days in the office). I told her, “Your presence next to me is enough to charge me up.” The day went like a dream except I was dreaming with my eyes wide open, in awareness and in gratitude. After all,
- I was in the company of those who held me for the first time when I entered this world.
- I was in the company of those who spent the prime of their lives providing for me
- I was in the company of those who have helped develop my critical faculty so I could survive and excel in the world
- I was in the company of the those who would only give and never expect anything in return
- I was in the company of those who were child-like but loving enough to put my interests and dreams ahead of their wants.
My mother’s 72nd birthday was one of the best days of my life in a long, long time – I had rediscovered the source of my happiness. As the river of my life charted its course and gathered silt and gems on the way, its point of origin stood just as where it was when my journey started – pure, selfless, firm, strong, focused and melting itself way to create the river.
I am like you – I never realized how this modern, busy world sucked me into its whirlpool hurling me up involuntarily at times to gasp for some air. When I would suck in the air, I would struggle to find solace in everything around me. I was slowly slipping away from my parents.
I am sure all of us ask this question to ourselves: “How do I bridge the gap in the relationship with my parents?” It is a 2-step process:
Step 1: Dive Deep into Your Mind and Resolve Any Conflicts you have with your parents – you can only fix when you are at peace with yourself:
- List your conflicting situations or challenges with your parents.
- Now take one challenge or conflict at a time and contemplate how it started.
- Without getting emotional, get into your parents’ shoes – as if you are them and talking to your children. Go back in time and look at the situation keeping their circumstances in mind.
- Did they really want to hurt you? OR they only had your betterment in their minds? You will find that most of the time it was the latter.
- You will appreciate that their intentions were good, but maybe they were expressing it strongly. In this case, forgive them. This will mend your relationship. Ask for forgiveness for your own hurtful behaviour towards them.
- In some cases, your parents’ behaviour could be the result of their behavior patterns or habits. We all know how difficult it is to change our own habits. This understanding makes it easy to forgive them for their behavioural patterns and habits. This also gives a learning so you don’t become a catalyst to provoke these patterns in them.
Step 2: Get in Touch:
- Pick Up The Phone, Drive Down: Start calling your parents periodically and visit them occasionally.
- Say ‘Thank You’: Express your thanks for all the good that they have given you.
- Ear Time For Them: Give them a listening ear, showing genuine interest in what is going on in their lives. This gives you common topics to converse.
- I Care: Be compassionate towards them. They took care of you when you were vulnerable and helpless.
Yes, you are the river that has moved ahead from its origin, but you are still connected. It is the constant melting of the glacier that keeps the river flowing – it would dry up otherwise. Yes, the rains can feed the river but that is occasional – for you to be the perennial river, the glacier keeps melting. For you to thrive and prosper, your parents love and blessings are the life force.
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Keep the Child Alive in You, Bridge the Gap! You will stay Blessed & Stress-free!!
