Thinking through the title – “How To Bridge the gap in your relationship with your parents” for this blog, it dawned on me – expand the word Family and a meaning emerges – “Father and Mother, I Love You”. The word represents the true spirit of my relationship with my parents!
Before I start, I must tell you that going forward, to add some flavor to my storytelling and in this ages of ‘seasons’, I will be presenting my blogs in 2 part-series. This will not only give you an edge on your time management, but it will also keep the excitement alive over the week for the next part. Let us start:
Over the years, I have realized a vital fact of my existence:
As I move ahead in life, my parents slow down – the essence of our relationship is in the bridge that has grown stronger yet flexible, higher yet reachable, lightweight but wide enough for us to walk side by side and long enough where I can refer to the past and look at the future without letting go of their hands.
I had bought my first house and it was a moment of pride for my parents. They were going around telling everyone how happy they were that their child had achieved this milestone so early in his life. Everyone I met in my large extended family would talk about what my parents were telling them about me! This surprised me. My parents were not the overly expressive kinds and as I was growing up, I had not seen them share much about their personal lives in their circle of friends. So, this was something new for me – a rare display of their emotions. As I watched my emotions in this array, a warmth spread through me – the warmth of love, being wanted, sheltered and the child-like joy.
The ‘wow’ moment for me was the realization that these feelings were the same as what I felt when I was a child – holding their hands with my little fingers trying to learn the ways of life. Every achievement was a pat on the back. Every error or slip was a reassuring hand on my head. The realization struck me – I was still their ‘child’ and I could afford to be child-like in their company. I was living the life of an adult across all my relationships – the two people who gave me the freedom to be a child were my parents.
My father is now in his late 70s while my mother in her early 70s – they are:
- Retired from the standard busy life and its dynamics
- Full-time employees of this company called ‘Leisure’
- Mellowed down on their display of ‘sharp’ emotions
- Relatively slower – physically and mentally
- Happy to wait while I sort out my world outside
I remember this instance when I was working almost 14hours a day (including weekends) on a critical project – this meant I would hardly get to see them or talk to them as our active hours would not match. By the time, I would be free from work, it would be too late for them and the mornings would never allow me the time where I could call them or pay them a visit. To top this up, I was traveling on business once a fortnight for a few days. While I so wanted to go and see them, I was too tired in the time left outside office and would hope to recharge myself with activities that I loved doing. My busy life had started to build a gap in my relationship with my parents.
However, in all these extremely busy months, not once did my parents complain. In fact, whenever I would call them up for a quick chat, they would only ask about my health, progress of my work and tell me not to worry about them – and that they were fine. As I spoke to them, I would feel calm and secure but the only feelings I was left with after these calls were gratitude and a sense of loneliness.
- Gratitude, as my parents were not ‘adding’ to the pressure. They were only helping me calm down – they were like the mobile fast-chargers who would uplift my mood and energy with just a few minutes of conversation.
- Sense of Loneliness, as the moment I would disconnect the phone, I would crave to stay cocooned in the earlier feeling of calmness and security. The feeling of being a child, whose parents were the umbrella that protected him from the harsh sun and the beating rain.
I was struggling to find that moment when I could make the U-turn and reach out to my parents’ for solace. I had to rebuild this aspect to bridge the gap in my relationship with my parents. And since I was looking desperately, the Universe helped.
Watch out for the second part of this blog to hear my story and get tips that will help you rebuild the bridge…
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