I thrive and live in this millennium – what does it mean to me? Everything is about conveniences and facilities…
- I can choose to not notice the change of seasons – as the airconditioned home and office always keeps me cosy.
- I can choose to not walk across to my friends or relatives house, as a click of a social messenger application or a mobile phone does it all for me
- I can choose to not clean my house and kitchen with my hands as robots take over the cleaning and machines do the washing.
- I can choose to not lift anything heavy, as there are power tools, mechanical gadgets that take the burden off my shoulder.
- I can choose to not even put effort on the steering wheel of my car! The Power Steering does it all for me.
- The forests and natural landscapes are disappearing, the green patches getting more artificial, so I don’t have to ‘watch’ my every step as I enjoy a stroll or a run.
Oh!! Life is such a breeze on these fronts and even a step back would feel like we have gone into the Dark Ages. Most of us would share this sentiment – isn’t it?
My mother was a home maker all her life. I remember seeing my mother working in the kitchen when I was growing up, fixing up 3 meals a day for a family of 9 – my father, my 3 siblings, my grandparents and my Master who lived with us. She would do every chore with her hands – no machines, no electric tools, nothing. She would knead dough with her fingers, cut vegetables with a simple knife, whisk or whip with her hands, grind with a mortar and pestle for hours at times depending on what she was grinding, wash utensils under a running tap water, broom, mop, iron …the list went on. And this went on for decades, 3 times a day and at times almost round the clock, across her 30s, then in her 50s and then her 70s and she was always active, vibrant and full of life.
Today as I sit on this side of our technical evolution, I could only marvel and bow my head to the physical activities my mother would do just staying at home. The kitchen was her gym and how it supported her and kept her motivated. I don’t remember one single instance when she would not be around to feed us on time or when she would be tired to go to the kitchen or when the kitchen was left untended. It was almost like the kitchen was her place of worship – a place that gave her physical, mental and emotional well-being. For me, however, she was the goddess in the temple! Forever loving, caring, tending, smiling and nurturing!!
There were a few occasions when the world around her would try her patience – when I would not like the taste of something she cooked or would cry in hunger or would just be naughty! This is when the goddess would tend to get angry – I say tend, as I could read her body language, but I never heard her raise her voice. My young mind would recognize the tension in her, and I would put up my best behaviour.
Now I was 14years old and would question everything, challenge everyone and argue with any excuse. I was discussing something with my father and very quickly it transitioned into an argument – my father was an epitome of patience and he kept trying to show me sense. My mother was busy in the kitchen and was a quiet audience to this father-son ‘verbal duel’. She hoped I would see sense but when I refused to back off after 30minutes, she came out of the kitchen angry – very angry – I had not seen her like this before! She walked to me and said, “Enough – you forget whom you are speaking to. You could be young and smart, but remember, he is your father. Never forget that!” Saying this, she turned and went back into the kitchen. Something in her eyes and her words struck me and I apologized to my father thus ending the debate – almost like I had applied hard brakes on a car at 100km/hr. I finished my dinner and went looking for my mother in the kitchen. She was busy with some preparatory work for next morning’s breakfast. I apologized. She turned to look at me and here I was looking into my mother’s loving and nurturing eyes once again.
I asked, “You were so angry with me a few hours back. Was that real or is this real?”
She said, “I am not angry, my son. I just wanted you to realize that you were crossing the line with your father – an action you will only regret tomorrow.”
She continued, “I never stay angry for more than 5minutes (metaphorically). All the work I do in the kitchen keeps me grounded, settled and in love. If I continue working in the kitchen in anger, the food I cook will be poison for you. The taste will not be the same and the nourishment it should give you would have burnt in the acid of anger. I would have worked equally hard today as any other day, but the result would be entirely different. Not to mention the fact, that it will also impact me physically building negativity and poison within me, destroying the peace of my home. It is too heavy a price to pay. Remember, anger is an emotion ready to consume you and push you back a few steps physically, mentally and emotionally – always. My way of dealing with it is to focus on my kitchen chores and drown anger while I work here. While I am a home maker, I am a good businesswoman. I do not invest in something that gives me a negative return and anger just does that. Why should I invest in anger?” I hugged her and absorbed his priceless learning in my soul, as she fondly hugged me back.
This has stayed with me till date – something I would cherish and pass on to my future generation. When angry, physical activity of some kind is an effective antidote.
Now, let us go back to what I started with – the conveniences of today’s world. Don’t you think this lifestyle is primarily sedentary? On a day to day basis, I don’t move around a lot, I don’t flex my muscles, I don’t lift things, I don’t get the opportunity to use my limbs as extensively as our forefathers did. I do not have an opportunity to do what my mother did – kill anger at the bud by combating it with physical chores at home.
When I would feel low or get angry, I tend to drown myself in thoughts, hoping that after a long contemplation, the feeling will go away and I will find my answers. Or worse, I would browse my phone or browse the television. And then, if I mistimed the browsing and watch something that only adds to this negativity, the downward spiral gathers momentum.
I realized very quickly that my current solutions were not effective enough and do not give me a guaranteed result, I resorted to the advice my mother gave me 30years ago.
Step 1: It all starts with Realization that
- Anger is not your friend
- Anger is not your defence
- Anger does not help you gain advantage in any situation
- Anger alienates you from the world around you
- Anger clouds your sense of judgement
- Anger feeds on your patience and depletes it irrevocably
- Anger is a monster ready to devour you at the smallest excuse
- Anger is a slow-acting poison that tastes like nectar
Step 2: Combat anger with physical activity yielding a creative output
- At home:
- Grind or Whisk ingredients with a mortar/pestle or hand beater initially. You can switch to a machine to give it the finishing touch – Output is a mix that you will use to cook something delicious.
- Give your dishwasher a rest. Wash your utensils with hand under running water. Output is a sparkling kitchenware you washed yourself. It is satisfying!
- Rearrange your wardrobe or kitchen cabinets occasionally – you will have a new setup and it is as exciting as moving into a new house.
- Vacuum or even better, sweep and mop the floors yourself. It is therapeutic and leaves you with a good feeling when you sit down after this tiring chore.
- Find things to clean at home which typically do not get cleaned periodically – light shades, door panels, window blinds, door channels, high corners of the ceilings, garage artefacts, upholsteries…you get the drift! The house just feels cleaner.
- Tend to your garden – this is a massive stress buster! Plants calm you down and in turn you give them a nice weed-free and watered soil to thrive in.
- Wash your car yourself – shampooing, scrubbing and drying off all with your hands. The sparkling car is a reward to yourself.
- Buy some lego challenges and build them – start with 500-piece lego sets and step up slowly to thousand-piece sets. Proudly display your artwork to everyone!
- At work:
- Go for a Walk – think of someone or something that makes you smile. Avoid calling them up at this stage. The very realization that you can smile diffuses anger and gratitude sets in.
- Keep a small plant if possible, at your desk – water it and tend to it regularly.
- Take the stairs as and when possible – do this safely and consciously and only if your physical and mental state allows you.
- Walk to the water station and drink some water – not too hot and not too cold. Avoid caffeine or tea. Sip on the water slowly, contemplating on the situation that has caused your anger.
- Play a quick game – foosball, badminton, tennis, table tennis…. whatever your office offers.
- Take a shower if your office has the facility – it will cool you down and you will come out fresh as a flower.
Does this excite you – it sure excited me!! I marvel at how easy it is to defeat and kill anger!! How we have the solutions right under our nose?! I am spoilt for choice to be honest and I avail these choices as and when I must, liberally and unabashedly!
Life is all about abundance – anger obstructs abundance. Dispel it from your life and bask in a life that only has place for Love, Learning, Gratitude, Peace and Well-Being.
As you avail these choices and conquer anger…Enjoy Life, Stay Healthy and Stress-Free!!